For you marriage to be what God wants it to be, it must have the place of importance that He planned for it to hold in your life. Some things have to be most important. If your marriage is to reach God’s highest goal, three convictions must remain priority items.
Many marriage struggle and die due to unresolved feelings for someone else. The marriage vows state ‘forsaking all others,’ and that needs to be the way you enter into marriage. If there is any emotional or romantic attraction toward anyone other than your spouse you are inviting an unwanted and destructive guest into you relationship with your spouse.
There must also be an emotional and physical leaving of the extended family. Young married couples should respect and honor their father and mother, seek good godly counsel from them, and have a love and appreciation, they must also learn to build their own families and make choices for their own family.
You will always need your family, mother and father, but they must never take a place of priority over your spouse. If your marriage is going to make it and mature into God’s design for marriage there must be a leaving of emotional and physical attractions outside the marriage relationship.
The word ‘cleave’ means ‘to be glued together’… ‘to be inseparable’… do you remember seeing the commercial years ago of the man testing super glue? He was a construction worker who used the super glue to attach his hard hat to a steel beam. They then raised the steel beam up and the worker was being raise too. The picture is the substance used to hold the two items together was strong enough even under the most demanding conditions.
So many couples threaten with attorneys or use children as leverage. These actions are not a solution for the problem. God’s plan is for you to ‘stick like glue’ to your spouse. I am not a fan of pre-nuptial agreements. You should never enter into a marriage making provisions or with the thoughts of your marriage to failing. Instead, be determined to dedicate and devote yourself to doing what ever it takes to keep your marriage together.
What there are entering into is more of a partnership rather than a weaving of a close relationship. Too many couples act more like roommates rather than an intimate loving married couple. God’s plan for marriage is for your marriage relationship to be deeply intimate on every level.
Notice a few areas spouses must weave their lives together….
First… Spiritual Weaving
The best advice I can give you for spiritual growth is to read your Bible. You can read the same passage and discuss it meaning and how your marriage can benefit form adhering to its truths and principles.
Build each others relationship with God. Do not ever discourage a spiritual interest that is shown by your spouse. If your spouse wants to do something that will draw him or her closer to the Lord, then by all means be an encourager.
One of the greatest secrets to a success in reaching God’s plan for your marriage is building on a spiritual foundation. Here is a simple truth… when both of you are drawing closer to God then both of you will inevitably be drawn closer to one another. Never stop investing in the spiritual aspect of your marriage.
Secondly… Emotional Weaving
It is impossible for a husband and wife to have the kind of relationship God has designed for us unless they spend time together. One of the greatest dangers and one of the most overlooked is allowing our lives to become scattered without real meaningful time together.
Your spouse needs to know that he or she is the most important person in the world to you. They should no question that they are worth the investment of your time. There are so many good opportunities that can distract us from the priority of building our marriages on an emotional plane. Your marriage must matter more to than a promotion work, a night out with the buddies, a hobby, etc… I encourage people to be involved in the work and ministries of the church but if we are not careful they too can become a distraction… keep the main thing the main thing and all the other will work its self out on our priority list.
We all know pastors who have lost their wives die to the demands of ministry… children of those same Pastors who children are resentful to the ministry because the ministry took their father away.
On a very practical level, you and your spouse need to be recreational partners. Find things you both enjoy and engage together. You must cultivate the time you spend together. Make an investment of time in building emotional intimacy in your marriage.
Thirdly… Physically Weaving
God’s plan for the physical aspect of marriage has been distorted by the devil and hijacked by hollywood. We live in a sex craved culture. God planned physical intimacy to be wholesome, unifying force with the marriage relationship. The focus on sex in our work has and is destroying relationships, as people selfishly seek to satisfy their physical desire outside of God’s plan.
Far too often sex becomes a battlefield for many couples. We must realize that the same God who designed marriage is the same God who designed the intimate physical relationship in marriage. It is God’s plan for the husband and wife to mutually submit themselves to each other to meet their needs.
Commit yourself to building a close and satisfying physical relationship. But you cannot start or build a solid relationship on just a physical basis… this is just one of the pillars of a healthy marriage. Don't allow this wicked world to define how sex should work in your marriage. It is a design by God to draw you and your spouse closer together.
Remember… your spouse will be everything in your life you could never be without them.
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